Chapter 1

Two people, one sitting on the chair while another standing next to her, both of them gazing carefully to the girl on the hospital’s bed. The first, a woman in late 40, her face is pale and she never keep off her eyes to the girl she is crying for.  A young boy about 15-17 years, standing beside her, his face showing a sadness and pain. He is lingering his arm around the woman’s shoulder, trying to give a power even though he himself doesn’t sure enough that he has it.

“It’s my fault. It’s my fault” for the hundred times today, she repeat that line again and again. She is crying a lot and sniffing. The tone in her voice indicated a deep frustration.

A young male doctor and a young woman nurse are standing across them, they don’t make any sounds or noise but they are seemed used to this situation.

“No, mom. It’s definitely not your fault” the young boy said calmly.

Her mother still crying and she almost yelling, “Yes it is. If only I can be more brave, your sister won’t end like this”

“No mom, stop blaming your self like that. Vian did it by her own”

“Why don’t you understand Felipe? Your sister was suffered for the whole of her life and it’s because I never listened what’s she really need nor even checked whether she was happy or not”

Felipe, the young boy can’t find the words to answer again. Tears down on his face. His mother has just told the truth, he also felt like his sister as well. He grew by his self, in an instant he became a rebel. It was locked down in his heart that all he did just to pretend that he paid no attention for people’s thought. Coz his past memory reminds him how bad the feeling he had when people started to talk about him.

The woman hold the girl’s right hand so tight. She is talking to her despite the fact that the girl can’t hear, “Oh sweetheart, Vivian. Please forgive me, I beg you apologize”. She continued, “Listen sweetheart, please come back. I promise that we will fix all the things broken before. So please, stay alive”. Stream of tears come out of her eyes so badly as she expecting her daughter will be wake up immediately.

But of course her daughter will not. She is there, standing in front of her bed and she is also crying. But none of people can see her, she is just a spirit without solid body.

Now she is wondering what is she crying for?? Just like her brother Felipe said, It was pure her decision to commit suicide. Even now, when she is a human no more, she still can remember that tragic day. She argued with her friend in school, but it was not the priority of the motive pushed her to finally decide to kill her self. The correct was, she felt can’t survive anymore, that time was the climax of all of her sorrow and unhappiness she had. So after school, she ran to her room, swallowed sleeping pills as many as she can swallow while she was still crying for the unfair she got from this world.

And this morning, when she opened her eyes, she realized that she already cut off from her body. She felt so regret that she is still alive, from the conversation between her mother and doctor, she knew that she is comma for time being. Why? Why even God doesn’t allow her to die? She can take no more, She is really Can’t.

Watching her mother and her brother crying for her isn’t she really want from the beginning. When she tried to commit suicide, she was actually thinking ‘How many people will cry for her? And Who will Cry best?’.

Vivian know that her mother will do that but deep in her heart, she expect for other people. Not because she doesn’t love her mother but it’s just her willing to know who is person look after her best. Unfortunately, just two members of her family feel sad so far. Not even her father come, no wonder, he must be felt so ashamed that her daughter commit suicide?? How come? How are his clients will think bout that??

Once again, Vivian gazing her body on the bed. She looked very pale as ghost as well. On her nose, there is respiration apparatus to support her breath. While on her hand, she saw an infuse. In spite of that weak profile, Vian can very clear see how honest she is. No more fake smile, no more sparkling green eyes. It’s only her, the original Vivian Lawrence version. Yet, she love it.